Swallow or Spit?

When it comes to "client instructions" there are many that make me question the DNA on the other end.

Possibly?

"We want an article about [insert esoteric job in a ghost town]." As though I know all about Sally Allison's Salon on 45th Street, featuring Whale Masks! Did I mention that job was labeled under 'literary?'

So, I don't know what's worse. The not-instructing instructions or these:

"VE VILLe CHECK EVERYZING!
TO MAKEe SURE IT IS ORIGINAL!
AND NO GRAMMAR MEZTAKES!!
VE DO NOT TOLERATEe ZAT!
FOUR BUCKS IS SO MUCH MONEY!
YOU CAN HAVE HALF A SALAD,
OR MAYBEee ONE WHOLE BIG MAC!!!" 

I needed to take a breath
to wipe the spit off me.

  

(dramatization)*

Those instructions were for a description of a teen soap opera.
I spent too much time on it.
But, at the end of the day, they took my reconstituted swill. So, they weren't that particular.

*read: I have a lot of those. Is anything real? 

Always Use Spirt Fingers!

I found it rather funny that for their instructions, my last client linked me to a third-party website that gave me tips on how to write.

I did my best...

Fucking Ouroboros

I figure I sold my soul awhile back. It happened when I first started writing for online sources, the kind that claim to match up authors with those in need of authors. Freelancing is great, I have nothing against those who do. More power to the unchained freethinkers. The websites that spawn faster than murlocs and promise competitive pay and blogging, however...  I sold my soul to these guys. I'm the reason a shitty Panasonic camera has such great reviews. Or that E-Cigarettes are so "beneficial." Those websites matched me with the guys who needed someone to write those great reviews.

Jesus, I'm even scared one of them is going to see this and I'll be tossed in to the fire for punishment or something.




Somewhere, Jesus really doesn't care much.

Right now, I'm not going to write about any one specific site. Only I had to write something. I thought I'd finally found a legitimate freelance aggregator, the kind of website that combines all the sundry scurvy-laden captains looking for part-time scurvy-free crew. Why did I think this? Because everyone was RAVING about them! Haha, oh... I signed up. After all the "Yes, we're free! But if you pay we may actually do something besides sell your email" ads, I realized... but, my god, how stupid do I feel? I probably wrote the reviews! And the circle continues, the fucking ouroboros.