Swallow or Spit?

When it comes to "client instructions" there are many that make me question the DNA on the other end.

Possibly?

"We want an article about [insert esoteric job in a ghost town]." As though I know all about Sally Allison's Salon on 45th Street, featuring Whale Masks! Did I mention that job was labeled under 'literary?'

So, I don't know what's worse. The not-instructing instructions or these:

"VE VILLe CHECK EVERYZING!
TO MAKEe SURE IT IS ORIGINAL!
AND NO GRAMMAR MEZTAKES!!
VE DO NOT TOLERATEe ZAT!
FOUR BUCKS IS SO MUCH MONEY!
YOU CAN HAVE HALF A SALAD,
OR MAYBEee ONE WHOLE BIG MAC!!!" 

I needed to take a breath
to wipe the spit off me.

  

(dramatization)*

Those instructions were for a description of a teen soap opera.
I spent too much time on it.
But, at the end of the day, they took my reconstituted swill. So, they weren't that particular.

*read: I have a lot of those. Is anything real?